TMI

Disclaimer: Today’s blog is full of TMI – Too much information. It’s about some of the things runners do not discuss with just anyone. Some of you may find it crude and unladylike. Some may be offended by it. If you are one of those individuals, please avoid this post. If you e-mail me and tell me how disgusted you are by it, I am just going to respond with “you were warned and you could have stopped reading any time.”

Last week, a friend asked me to run a half-marathon with her in the future. She suggested that we limit our bathroom breaks or better yet, try not to take one at all. I told her I usually do not have to take one until about mile 18-20. She was surprised, but I told her that’s what I have gotten used to. Of course now that I said that, I needed to empty my bladder by mile 14 on last Sunday’s 18 mile run. Why did I not have to go when I was running through Lambertville or New Hope where there were plenty of places to duck into? No big deal, I’m on the tow path, there should be somewhere I can go. Except, on the PA side the canal is lined with giant beautiful homes with ceiling to floor windows overlooking the Delaware River. I imagine dropping my running tights just to hear some 5 year old boy scream, “Moooooooooommmmmy! There’s a woman peeing in the canaaaaaaaaaaal!” I envy how men can just whip it out and go nearly anywhere without exposing everything they have. I look to the left at the river. It’s a steep drop down to the water, so there’s nowhere to go there either. I mean, I COULD just hang off one of the thinner tree trunks jutting out, but then I picture losing my grip and falling to my death with an exposed bottom; or worse, a fishing boat down below with some old man looking up and getting a view of my undercarriage. So I keep running. 

The problem with having a full bladder when running is that emptying it is all you think about. You’re no longer focused on your run or enjoying the beauty around you. All you think about is where you’re going to go. Every thick tree, brick wall, or giant rock has potential. The tow path goes beneath a few streets, so there are bridges to run under. PERFECT! But on the other side of EVERY bridge there is someone running or biking towards it. So I keep on running. Eventually, I jump off the path and find a convenient store. Of course this one does not have a public restroom. For a moment I imagine lifting my leg at the back corner of the building to mark my territory, but I don’t. I continue on back to the park where I started, I know there are restrooms there. The toilets are disgusting and require “the hover.” Do you know how difficult it is to execute the hover after running 18 miles? My legs are shaky and because I held the urine in for too long, it trickles out s-l-o-w-l-y. (Men don’t seem to experience this slow trickle problem. Good for them.) Each second feels like a 10 minutes and my legs feel like they are about to give out. I picture myself falling into this dirty toilet and think, maybe I should have just squatted when I first needed to. Then I picture the newspaper headlines, “NJ Woman Exposes Self to Toddler” and think no, this is the better option. This is just strength training for the thighs. I can do it, I can do it, I can do it.

That leads me to restroom activity number two. I once read about a marathon woman who was racing to the finish line. She either wanted to PR or she was trying to place in the top three. When she crossed the finish line, there were streaks of brown running down her leg. I have nothing terrible to say about that because I would be mortified and would not want anyone else talking about my “accident.” But I will say I am terrified of that happening to me, which is why I always carry tissues with me so that I can stop and do what I must. I have read a lot about this in several publications. When I first began to run, it seemed that I had to go within the first two miles. I eat better now and am more in tune with my intestines, so thankfully, it has not been too much of a problem since. I have run all the way home and just make it in time to the restroom; but there have been moments when I am holding in gas because I am not sure what is going to happen. I ask friends what they do. One friend replied with, “My daughter always asks if I pooped in the woods today.” Okay, woods it is! But you know what? I live in New Jersey, the most densely populated state in the U.S. According to Wikipedia, we have 1,189 inhabitants per square mile based on the 2011 Census. I usually run through neighborhoods. Do you think I am going to defile someone’s nice green lawn? And I can’t imagine anyone one letting a sweaty stranger in to USE their nice clean bathroom. Would you? The trails I run on are through parks, which are always filled with families or bikers. I could push my way through the woods but with my luck I will drop my pants and there will be some hunter hidden up in the tree with a bird’s eye view of my crack. This may be okay or some, but I am not about showing my goods to just anyone! (I know some of my readers are going to say otherwise, but giving birth and breastfeeding don’t count. Plus, I know you guys enough and don’t care what you have seen! Get over it. ) Thank goodness they are finally building restrooms along the trail.

Then there’s today’s “problem” that occurs every 28 days or so for women. The Universe likes to have a good laugh at my expense. For some unknown reason, Aunt Flo decided to pay me a visit one week earlier last month. I thought, on no, is this going to affect the marathon? Please say its not so. Sure enough, she followed suit this month, which means she will be running Boston with me. (She’s like a jealous woman who needs to steal everyone’s glory. I think she needs to work on that.) It’s not like I haven’t run with this before. However, I have never run long distances during the first two days of it. It’s not a complaint. It’s part of being a woman. It’s just slightly annoying, like the Facebook “Poke” feature. Okay, so maybe the universe is just trying to prepare me. Fine, I’ll work with it. I know everything happens for a reason. Apparently, running Boston as my first marathon is not enough of a challenge for me.

I need to have a conversation with Playtex. Their “Sport” Tampon box has a silhouette of woman running on the front of the box. I am thinking that green silhouette with the flowing hair must not run anything more than a 10k. I was only out there for two and a half hours, which is not a lot of time. Can I just say that I am so glad I was wearing my back tights and underwear? Do I even have to mention underwear? Yes, because one of my friends says she does not wear them on her runs. At first I thought, WHY NOT?! But then I thought maybe it’s a good thing. Nice and airy. After today, HELL NO! If you ever see me running, I will be wearing underwear under those shorts or tights. Anyway, I need to find a better product or I am going to have to plan on TWO pit stops. TWO! I have no problems with one. But TWO?! I am in the LAST wave, LAST corral. The last wave starts at 10:40 A.M. Which means the last corral will head out around 11 A.M. We have to be done by 4:45 P.M. to get a finishers medal. That’s 5 hours and 45 minutes to finish. I am sure I can do it in that time with one stop. I am not so sure I can do it with two stops. If I don’t get a finisher’s medal, then someone better be at that finish line with pie or I am going to be one upset woman. Mmmmmmm, pie………..

I am sorry if I grossed you out in anyway, but these are just a few problems people don’t really talk about when you’re new to running. It’s kind of like when someone gets pregnant and people tell the new mom about how wonderful it's going to be. They tell you the big things to expect being pregnant or while in labor, but they never actually mention the gritty things that occur throughout or while in labor that would mortify most people if they knew. All you mommy’s know what I am talking about. I don’t want to discourage anyone from running because I love it and I think most people would as well. Just be prepared for running long distances people (and labor if you're pregnant). BE PREPARED!

Thanks for sticking this one out. Please support my cause: Massage Therapy Foundation “Running for Research” on http://www.crowdrise.com/kathyborsuk.  29 days until Boston and I am so close but not quite there yet on my goal of raising $5,000.  Every dollar counts and is appreciated.  

Running with Friends

I last left you with a disappointing 18 mile run two weeks ago.  I chalked it up to not having dinner, lack of rest the night before, and possibly some over training.  So I decided to take that following week off.  The only exercise I did were the burpees required from my 100 day challenge.  The following Sunday I was scheduled for a half marathon distance (13.1 miles).  I got a couple of massages, one specific to my calves and the other a full body relaxation massage.  I did not realize other parts of my body were not functioning properly until Holly applied a little bit of pressure.  Shouldn't I have caught this?! Sunday’s run was EXCELLENT! I felt brand new every step of the way and achieved a personal best time of 2:15:19.  That is just under a 2 minute improvement of a previous best time.  I was ecstatic.

I expected Monday’s recovery run to be painful, but shortly into my run, my calves relaxed and it was smooth sailing.  Thursday I worked on hill training and Friday was the “storm” run.  You know, “Nemo.” I did not work that day and went out later than usual.  During my 32 minutes, I ran through rain, sleet, hail, and snow.  I decided to cut the run short due to the hail pelting my face.  That really stings.  The important thing was that I got a run in. 

Me, Dale, Caroline, Gail

Me, Dale, Kim, Gail

A friend from a local running group asked me to join them on their run today.  Two of the women are also running this year’s Boston Marathon and 16 miles is on their training schedule.  Two others would join us a few miles in.  The ladies are Dale, Kim, Caroline, and Gail.  They would be running on some SERIOUS hills.  I want to run with them, but I am so intimidated.  These ladies have been running for years.  They are REAL runners, not some naive newbie.  They've all run marathons before, multiple ones.  One has even done an Iron Man.  There’s no way I can keep up with their pace. But I decide to just suck it up and give it a try. I did not sleep well and could not eat much of my breakfast because I was so nervous.  I park at a church a couple of miles out from Dale’s house.  Since my plan is 20 miles, I figure I could run to her house, meet up with them, and run back to get those additional 4 miles.  I step out of the car and my toes go numb.  How cold is it? It has to be in the teens.  It’s at least 5 degrees colder there than where I live.  It’s a beautifully wooded area so I whip out my camera and start snapping pictures along the run.  Yes, I took pictures.  Why not? I am thinking of taking pictures along the Boston course, so I better start practicing, right? My goal is to finish under 6 hours and HAVE FUN! It IS my first marathon after all, and it’s BOSTON! I want to remember every part of it. 

I don’t know the altitude, but it’s more than what I am use to.  It takes about a mile for my lungs to fully adjust.  (BTW, the highest altitude we were at was 626 ft. SWEET!) The hills are grueling.  More difficult than the hills I run by my house.  Kim charges up those hills like it’s no different than the flats.  The woman is crazy (and by that I mean impressive), but her doing this forces me to try to keep up.  The pace is a little faster than I like on the hills, but this is going to improve my performance, right? So I try my best to keep up.  We pick up Caroline and Gail along the way and I think, “Oh thank goodness, I can slow down now.”  We did, a little, but not by much.  That is okay though, I am adjusting to the speed… I think.  I go to take a sip of my water and guess what? The water is frozen.  Dear CamelBak, Your “Thermal Control Kit for extreme winter and summer conditions” must not mean anything under 20 degrees F. Thank you.  I tuck the hose into my jacket hoping to thaw it out.  Apparently, I do not generate enough heat while running to thaw out frozen water.  So Caroline gives me some of her water and Dale puts the hose in her shirt for a while, which works.  Even my Gu is hardening.  My lips feel dry so I try to apply lip balm.  Have you tried to scrape frozen beeswax on your lips? It’s supposed to be soothing.  Today it split my bottom lip. 

This is only the second time I have run in a group.  It’s nice to chat with the ladies along the way.  I learn which underwear is the best to run in, ways to hydrate, and post-run fuel.  I get t a lot of useful advice on running a marathon.  In our conversations, I discover the age of these ladies.  WHAT?!  I am WAY off. Could it be that running stops aging appearance at the age you start running? I am totally okay with that!  Seriously, I bet none of you could guess their ages.  (Don’t worry ladies, I won’t tell.)

After Caroline and Gail depart, I tell Dale and Kim to go on ahead with their pace, as I would be slowing down.  I run alone for the next few miles.  I analyze my body for aches and pains and then my mind wanders as usual.  Then that one hill that I already climbed to get to Dales house appears.  STEEP.  I did not like you the first time! Have I told you I don’t like hills? I start to doubt myself and question why I am doing this.  (BTW, this is also when my stomach starts growling angrily.  Hunger = cranky and negative thoughts.)  I work on changing my perception.  I think about all the reasons why I am running.  For me, yes, but also to set an example for my family.  For the American Massage Therapy Association, whom I am representing.  For the Massage Therapy Foundation, whom I am raising funds for.  The MTF; Paul pops into my head.  He is coordinating the MTF Boston Team and one of our contacts.  I joke around and call him a slacker because he isn't doing a training run.  (You know, just to see what it’s like).  I imagine him just waking up now, eating some bacon and eggs with his feet up on the table, while watching some silly Sunday movie like the Notebook.  I picture him looking at the time and letting out an evil laugh and he thinks of the MTF team members out there logging long training miles.  A puppet master.  It irks me enough to push my way up that hill.  At the top I yell, “Take that puppeteer! Now give me BACON!”  No bacon, so I down another Gu.  I have no idea what time Paul wakes up, or even if he eats eggs and bacon.  I doubt that he sees us the way I described, but these are just the crazy thoughts that run through my head that give me the edge I need to work through those moments of doubt.  Another mile later, Dale and Kim are heading in my direction.  Yeah! They show me Dales house and head in while I continue for two more miles.  My legs are now rebelling.  My thighs feel like tree trunks and my calves and beginning to seize. I alternate between running and walking.  On the way back to Dale’s house, I glance at my time.  I am 10 minutes from hitting the 4 hour mark.  Could I really get a personal best for my 20 mile run? I sprint as best I can until I my phone announces 20 miles.  I DID IT! 3:51:50! I beat my previous best time by 8 minutes and 59 seconds!

Thank you ladies for inviting and welcoming me on your Sunday run.  I feel incredible and you contribute to that.

Please help me with my fundraising goal of $5,000 for the Massage Therapy Foundation: http://www.crowdrise.com/TeamMassageTherapyFoundation/fundraiser/kathyborsuk
THANK YOU. 

Music Takes Me Places

I can't believe it's been over 3 weeks since my last update! What in the WORLD have I been doing besides training for a marathon?! We had quite a few parties.  New Year's and a few birthday's...like my daughter's and then my 34th.  Wait no, I'm 36.  I think. Sorry.  I am not one of those people that fakes my age, I just stopped keeping track after 30.  Thirty starts the decade celebrations, which means I don't have to celebrate until I'm 40.

But I have been running a lot.  I have logged 156.83 miles since the start of my marathon training.  I challenged some friends to running the most miles in January. (I am winning by the way...don't tell them.) I issued this challenge to make sure I would get out there on those ridiculously cold and dark days.  It's working so far, and I am pretty sure it pushes some of my friends to run a few more miles then they would have. I also issued the 100 day burpee challenge to family and friends as well.  We are on day 19.  Don't know what that is? Google it and give it a try.  It's a love/hate thing.

Last Sunday I had one of my best runs ever.  Half-marathon distance of 13.1 miles.  It was a cold and extremely foggy morning.  I threw on my reflective vest and put the Bond Station on Pandora.  I haven't listened to them in forever and it was perfect.  Along one of the park trails I could see a shadow up ahead.  It definitely wasn't human.  It was too big to be a bear.  I kept on running toward it.  Then like something out of a movie scene, the fog parts and a huge, beautiful black horse passes through.  The music that was playing provided the perfect soundtrack to it's entrance.  It was majestic.

Athletes focus on every aspect of their training.  I am not sure what marathon runners do, but I can't think about running for that long.  Of course, it will take me a little more than twice their time to finish one.  My mind constantly wanders.  I think about work, family, shopping lists, laundry, etc.  Some days I imagine a completely differently world.  Shortly after the horse, the music to James Bond 007 came on and instantly I turned into a secret agent.  I quieted my steps and sprinted from tree to tree.  Okay, maybe that's what ninjas do, but I think you get the idea.  Next I was William Wallace, Jack Sparrow, Trinity, Pocahontas....and that gave me an idea.  What if I just started running around town in a different costume? People do it during races, but how many people do you see randomly running around town as cupid, or a superhero? Maybe a clown suit? Don't be surprised if you see an update about that in the future.  But like I said, it was one of the best runs ever.  I didn't reach my personal best, but I came close and I felt great.

I am really busy this weekend and won't have time for a long run.  I really need to get it in, so I moved it to Friday.  It was a terrible run.  My calves felt tight and immobile, my feet hurt ,and  I had aches in pains in various places.  The wind was biting cold.  It felt like skiing, except without the skis, snow, speed, and hot chocolate in the end.  Only hours later I discovered that I went out in the wrong sneakers.  How does one do that?! I have been sore since. Great excuse to get a massage!

And on a side note, still no bear.......................................................................................

                                         (My favorite sign along one of my routes.)

Please donate to my cause "Running for Research" with the Massage Therapy Foundation